Draft beer, not people.
There are two major products to come out of Berekley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink.
God is real, unless declared as an integer.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal.
Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Acid: Better living through chemistry.
There's no future in time travel.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so!
FORD PREFECT
/earth: file system full.
MS-DOS: Just say no!
Unix: When you can't afford the very best.
Fools! Idiots! Don't they realize that they are dealing with forces beyond
comprehension!
DOCTOR SIENCE
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex
manuals without the software.
ARTHUR C. CLARKE
An Apple-a-day takes my credit card away.
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
College is a fountain of knowledge ... and the students are there to drink,
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after coordinate transform.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they where catholic!
The Meaning Of Life: The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Sign outside the Fountain of Youth Health Spa in Salt Lake City:
Are You Fat And Ugly? Do You Want To Be Just Ugly? Memberships Available Now.
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
The philosophy exam was a piece of cake --- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.
H.L. MENCKEN
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.
Black holes results from God dividing the Universe by zero.
Love is like pi --- natural, irrational and VERY important.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
The cost of living hasn't affected is popularity.
Introducing "lite", the new way to spell "light", with 20% fewer letters.
I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Artificial intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
Living right doesn't really make you live longer, it just SEEMS like longer.
Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep.
Old age...it's the only disease you don't look forward to being cured of.
FROM CITIZEN KANE
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
DAVID BISSONETTE
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
HEMANT JOSHI
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
UNKNOWN